Yesterday marked several endings for me; last day of working full-time for someone else, last support meeting on the site and graduation from my Recovery Life Coaching class. It’s amazing to see the change in perspective I have now as a sober spiritual being. What would have cracked me 10 years ago turned into an incredible opportunity to deepen in my love and inner knowing. I KNOW that all is well. I KNOW that when I am in acceptance of what is, I flourish. I KNOW that all things unfold for the highest good of all concerned including myself. I KNOW that amazing experiences are in store for me. All of this is already happening. It’s been happening. As I continue to see things as learning experiences, I solidify my ownership of my experience. I now experience endings as beginnings of something else. I’ve been discussing the imagery of “stepping into your spotlight.” The universe has conspired to do just that, open up space for me to step into my magnificence that always was and always will be. It’s a privilege to be at a place in life where I can own my expression and not be afraid of it any longer. Can you recall a time that there was an ending that turned out to be a blessing in disguise? Would love to hear your thoughts, comments, questioning below.

This month found me in NYC at the “Stepping Into Your Spotlight” event hosted by Holistic MBA. It was a fitting name for an event as I found myself at a crossroads in my career. Just a few days prior, I had learned that the site I worked on would be closing. This meant that I would be losing the opportunity to coach and support on the behavior platform. It also meant that I had an opportunity to “step into my spotlight.” As someone who has worked diligently to shift from Victim to Creator, I found myself looking for the opportunity to grow and learn. Instead of using the experience to drop into my “stuff,” I’m using this change to stretch into my spotlight and coach full-time in my own business.
Take a moment to reflect on your own life. How might current change be an opportunity for you to grow and step into your spotlight? Notice if you want to use the situation against yourself, to feed into victim consciousness. Create a gap right now in this moment where you clearly see the different choices available to you. You can choose to connect with your “stuff,” poor me and self-pity. If that comes up for you, acknowledge it without judgment. Or notice a different choice, a new way of being. There is always a choice to look at things in a new and different way then before. Look for the blessing in the situation. What can you learn about yourself and your process from this experience? How might this experience take your consciousness to new heights? Listen quietly within and receive your message. Allow yourself to connect with yourself and receive support. Ground your message by leaving a comment below.

“How do I work on loving myself?” It’s a question people often ask me. Self-compassion, self-love and self-forgiveness are not skills we readily learn in school, work or society. These were skills so imperative to my healing yet not readily found until I started to do my own inner work and exploration.
First, I dropped the substance use. Using substances was a destructive coping mechanism I used to “get by” and “not feel.” My reality was that I needed to feel. I was keeping myself in the suffering by resisting my process. It terrified me. I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle the feelings. What if I went crazy? The truth is that substance use and any other maladaptive behavior stands in the way of connection to Self.
I was 6 months sober when I started to work with my limiting beliefs and self-judgment. I started with a list of judgments against myself. The list was long, depressing and full of victim consciousness. I had judgments about my judgments, lol! However, I was determined to live a different life and was clear that I had to change my thinking. Changing my thinking meant that I would process my past, accept not condone what had happened and free myself from the bondage of self-hatred. I knew that I would not maintain recovery without coming to acceptance of my Self. Most people want to focus on “fixing” the outside; I had intuitive wisdom that my healing was an inside job.
Once I had my list of limiting beliefs and self-judgments, I began to work self-forgiveness statements around them. I decided to work self-forgiveness around all my judgments. I went through the list writing self-forgiveness statements. I was forgiving myself for buying into these beliefs and judgments as my truth. I was forgiving myself for holding these beliefs and judgments as my identity. I was forgiving myself for treating myself so poorly over the years. It was all a big misunderstanding. As a child I had picked up misinterpretations of myself and solidified these interpretations as the essence of my being. That’s what had been so painful for all these years. I had been connecting with my humanness as truth versus connecting with my divinity as my truth.
Self-forgiveness statements lead into truth statements. There is this process of self-compassion that comes through when I practice self-forgiveness. There is a clearing and an opening in my mind, body and spirit. My breath is deeper. There is love available to me because that is the truth of my essence. That is the truth of your essence too. We simply forgot through all of our life experience and lack of skills to truly understand the human experience.

Self-forgiveness process:
1. List of self-judgments
2. Self-forgiveness statement
“I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that…”
3. Truth statement
“The truth is that I am..”

It’s been an amazing year. To sum it up, I’d call it the year of choosing me. I made conscious choices this year that included letting go of a great paying job, moving back to California, starting a coaching certification, choosing a work place that supports my intentions of being a coach, working reduced hours at my day job and starting my own coaching business. It took tremendous courage to make these choices. You see I’ve always had unwavering loyalty to my work for other people. I’m dependable, diligent and efficient. My heart and soul goes into all my efforts, even if that means someone else’s vision and mission.
For some years now, I’ve been encouraged by colleagues and clients to “do my own thing.” There is a paradigm shift that needed to take place for me to make the leap. It’s so easy to get in the rhythm of being your best for others. Quite frankly, there is nothing wrong with that. However, I knew I had my own message to share. In fact, being seen and heard is part of my own recovery work wanting to be expressed.
The steps to starting a business can be intimidating but not impossible. It’s the fear of the unknown. It’s what I work on with my clients. The process of starting my own business has been beyond incredible. It’s been a beautiful opportunity for me to practice what I preach. I’m going through my own transformation of dropping limiting beliefs or touching on fear I didn’t know was there. It’s been a thrill working through this process and has solidified my love for the recovery process. When I take a perspective of wonder, openness and possibility, the personal growth process is so rewarding.
It’s been a special year of reaching new heights. A great big thank you to those who have supported me by praising my gifts and talents and encouraging my self-expression. I made many conscious choices this year and received significant opportunities because of it. Where in your life could you make some conscious choices that could change everything? If nothing else, explore these areas. Just by allowing yourself to look, an opening of energy can shift for you.

I always saw myself as an approachable treatment counselor who made immediate connection with each client through a collaborative approach to the recovery process. My perspective on my openness was challenged the day I learned more about harm reduction via my recovery life coaching training. Crossroads Recovery Coaching dedicated an entire lesson plan to the harm-reduction approach. I learned an invaluable lesson that day; self-determination means offering a discussion on all choices; harm-reduction, moderation management and abstinence. I became aware that I had not been providing a true conversation on self-determination. I had assumed that the client wanted abstinence. I never asked. I can now see and acknowledge that this was a mistake. I became aware that I had unconsciously been promoting the treatment center’s philosophy of total abstinence instead of one of self-directed treatment. You see when you work at a facility that is 12-Step oriented and abstinence-based; there is a non-verbal agreement that is made. This had always posed a challenge for me since I myself did not get sober through the 12-Step program. The 12-Step program has saved millions of lives, is a free and is a great resource for those without the funds to pay for continuing care. I understand why it was the program of choice for our population. I worked at a nonprofit where clients were receiving treatment services for free. It was a practical and effective choice to offer the 12-Steps to our clientele. Regardless of the reasons behind the logic, I recognize that people in recovery deserve a choice. I’ve corrected the oversight and started a business where people have a choice and plans are individualized. These days, all my client conversations start off with self-determination about the path of choice. I’m forever grateful for that lesson on harm-reduction. I’m a better coach because of it.

Have you ever felt like you or a loved one just weren’t resonating with traditional treatment modalities? There are millions of people just like you. Alternative Recovery has been emerging over the last decade. Though 12-Step programs remain common culture in the addictions field, alternative approaches are making head way. Through my continued personal and professional growth, I have become aware of the limited information people have about these alternatives. There has been a standard practice of getting people into treatment facilities and mandating 12-Step programs. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in opposition to treatment or the 12-Steps. I acknowledge that there is a time and place for both. I am merely voicing concern that we are missing a large portion of the population who don’t resonate with treatment or 12-Step programs.  Where do these people turn for support? How can we reach more people who need assistance? Not only am I asking these questions, but I am offering part of the solution through my own coaching business. It is my hope to partner and collaborate with peers in the field to provide progressive and relevant services. This means opening our minds and hearts to different philosophies including, harm reduction and moderation. Alternative Recovery is about choice. It is about finding a path that works for you. Recovery life coaching, therapy and support meetings could all be used in service to creating a meaningful recovery practice. Alternative Recovery allows for your recovery to be your own. You are resourceful, empowered and capable of making choices that make sense for you. May we all work together to improve the quality of life in ourselves, our family systems and our society.