Self-Love/Self-Worth: 5 things I did to build it in Sobriety
Rose Lockinger is a passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.
You can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, & Instagram
Before I got sober I pretty much had no self-worth. I walked through most of my life thinking that I was a terrible person and I had a deep seated self-hatred that led me to a lot of self destructive behaviors.
This wasn’t really a conscious thought though and I wasn’t aware of low my self-worth was. I believed that I loved myself, but my actions were all to the contrary, because the truth is that a person who loves themselves didn’t do the things that I did. They didn’t drink and use drugs like I did and they didn’t stay in unhealthy relationships because they believed it was all they deserved.
Then I got sober and I started to really take a look at my life and how I felt about myself. Along with the holistic approach to Sobriety I learned in treatment I came to the realization that in order for me to continue to heal my low opinion of myself needed to change. From this point of understanding I was then able to begin the process of learning to love myself and I did this through doing things that built my self-worth.
For me self-love and self-worth are linked because before I could begin to love myself I had to first build up my self-worth. This wasn’t really easy at first and it took a concerted effort on my part, but through doing the 5 things listed below I eventually learned what my truth worth was and in turn I learned to love myself.
5 Things I Did to Build Self-Love and Self-Worth
1. I allowed others to love me and I didn’t push them away.
When I first got sober the idea of allowing people to love me until I loved myself didn’t really make much sense. It just sounded like a nice platitude, but what I found is that this was the beginning of my ability to find my self-worth and learn to love myself. Coming into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I experienced so much love from people that it was incredible. They didn’t care what I had done in my life or how I felt about myself. They just wanted me to get better. Feeling loved and not pushing these people away allowed me in time to eventually see that I was worthy of love and that I wasn’t as bad of a person as I thought I was.
2. I used logic—I did my best to recognize the negatives message I would tell myself.
Before I got sober I was really good at putting myself down. I would berate myself in my own mind and I thought that these types of thoughts were true. Once I got sober I realized that I no longer had to engage in self-flagellation, and so I began to recognize and dispel a lot of the disparaging remarks I would think about myself. I still to this day can get caught in negative thinking towards myself, but I am able to recognize these thoughts quickly, and change my thinking accordingly.
3. I looked in the mirror and I said positive affirmations.
I actually still employ this method of self-love in my life today and I have found that it has been particularly useful in building my self-worth. The affirmations that I say to myself in the morning to start my day are not even things that I necessarily believe at the time, but just the act of saying them out loud to myself helps me to create new neural pathways that reinforce the ideas. It also helps to break the cycle of negative talk and replaces it with positive talk, which is a great way to begin any day.
4. I realized that I didn’t have to perfect and sometimes the best that I could do was to just stay sober and start over tomorrow.
Coming to the realization that I was not perfect, that I was bound to make mistakes, and that this was okay was a huge change for me. In the past whenever I made a mistake I would instantly believe myself to be a failure and I would get so down on myself that it was hard for me to believe that I had any worth. In sobriety I came to understand that I am human being and I will make mistakes and that is okay. By allowing myself the space to screw up and learn I have learned to love myself more and I no longer have to tie my self-worth to an unattainable level of perfection.
5. I practice self-care
Practicing self-care has gone a long way in helping me to not only love myself but also learn my own worth. By eating healthier, exercising more, and doing yoga as often as I can, I have found that I feel better about who I am. I also try to have a healthy sleep pattern and when I need to take a break from something I do so. Taking care of my mind and body has done wonders for my life and I am not sure what it is about exercise that really makes me feel good about myself, but it does. I can tell the difference in my thoughts when I haven’t been practicing self-care, because the thoughts in my head get increasingly more negative and are harder to break out of.
Learning to love myself has taken time and it is a process that is still evolving to this day. The way that I feel about myself and the way that I treat myself is contingent on what I do throughout the day to ensure healthy habits and a healthy frame of mind. What this means has changed over my time in recovery, but by doing the 5 things mentioned above my life and the way that I feel about myself has significantly improved.
