Posts by Beverly Sartain

Addiction is no respecter of socioeconomic boundaries. I am a product of a middle class pastoral family. I have struggled with addiction, it wasn’t until I lost my uncle from the long term damage done by drugs and alcohol that I realized that I was called to people with their struggle. This has been a large eye opener to me. To hear stories of family members that I had no clue they were struggling as well.

Almost 2 years ago my wife and I purchased a small 16 room motel with the intent of running it as just that. However when I sat in the funeral of a 25 year old young man who overdosed on Furanyl Fentanyl that was sold to him as heroin, we decided to turn our place into a recovery residence.

My biggest addiction struggles have always been with gambling but I would dabble here and there with substances, preferably pain killers. I am now clean from all substances ( including alcohol) for 2 years. Thank you Beverly Sartain for giving me a chance to share with your online community. And providing a place for me to receive encouragement as I encourage others.

I am going to be speaking today about addiction. First, what does it mean to be addicted to something? According to Webster’s dictionary the word addicted means: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful
10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep
Many people deal with addiction. In fact many of us in here right now do. Don’t believe me? How many of you can’t function without at least two cups of coffee? Or that chocolate bar or Energy Drink? You may be sitting there thinking” it is not the same thing.”
Of course it is, your body is reliant on an outside substance to stimulate or relax you.
You may be saying I only use “natural products” such as melatonin, B12, or B6. Really? Marijuana, Heroin, and Cocaine are natural products too.
Let’s face it Addiction is Addiction. While we are facing facts can we all agree that addiction is a thief?
It says in the scripture that the thief comes to do three things, the first of which is the to do what they do best…STEAL.
WHAT DOES ADDICTION STEAL?
1. OUR JOY
It steals our JOY by removing us from the presence of God. In Psalms 16:11
David writes:
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
The use of the word “fullness” implies there is a measure of joy missing outside of the presence of God.
2. OUR HOPE
Through addiction we lose our sight. We become blinded by the call of the substance and can not see what God has planned for us. Titus 2:11-13
11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, 12 teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, 13 looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,
Then Jesus says in Revelation 3:20
20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
This is the ultimate dinner invite but, if we are in a state of addiction the call of the substance is louder than the knock of God.
Biblical hope is not a sense of an optimistic outlook or wishful thinking without any foundation but in the sense of confident expectation based on a solid certainty. It rest on God’s promises. This brings us to our next point.
3. OUR FAITH
Faith is the present possession of Grace. A Conviction, Confidence, Trust, Belief, Reliance, Trustworthiness, and Persuasion. Hebrews 11:1 the writer writes:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
So, if faith is the substance of things Hoped for, how can we have faith without hope.
We lose faith in God, others, and ourselves. Philippians 4:13 says:
13 I can do all things through Christ[b] who strengthens me.
Through Christ we are able to accomplish all things, if we lose faith in God then all faith and all hope is lost. Because as written in Hebrews 11:6
6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
The second thing, according to the scripture, that the thief comes to do is kill…
WHAT DOES THE THIEF KILL?
1. THE BODY
Everyone knows that alcohol destroys the liver, smoking the lungs, caffeine the kidneys, and chocolate the waistline. All these can be addictions the thief we are talking about. Methamphetamines literally eat you from the inside out. So, we all know that these drugs kill the body.
2. OUR MIND
These addictions control our minds. It puts us in a state of confusion, paranoia, and fear. If the devil can control our minds through addiction he is getting us out of the will of God through fear. In 2 Timothy 1:7 Paul writes to the young pastor:
7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
If fear is not a gift of God the where does it come from? The spirit of fear may find a place by one’s natural temperment. But, it is not merely a human disposition; it is not from God. Genesis 1:26 says:
Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;
If fear is not in God then it is not naturally in us.
What does fear do to us?
-It can immobilize us (Job 7:13-14)
When I say, ‘My bed will comfort me,
My couch will ease my complaint,’
14 Then You scare me with dreams
And terrify me with visions,
-It can Torment us Luke 16:24-25
Torment is 1. Extreme pain; anguish; the utmost degree of misery, either of body or mind.
24 “Then he cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.’ 25 But Abraham said, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted and you are tormented.
In this illustration of torment the rich man is being tormented t by the flames of hell. The same way people in addiction are tormented by the hold of their addiction.
-MAKES US FEEL POWERLESS Hebrews 4:12
12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Therefore if we know the word of God we are powerful.
-Makes us feel alone ( Matt. 28:20, Romans 8:31, Psalm 23:4)
lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.[d]
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
So, we know we are not alone through the Word.
Through fear indecision or wrong decisions are then made that could give place to bondage and great human suffering.
How many of us have made a rushed or hasty decision that we later wished we hadn’t? It is the same thing with some stiffer consequences.
(repeat)
“I am only one drug away from never being clean again for the rest of my life.”
It’s the addicts indecision or wrong decision lead them down a road of bondage and suffering the are living in. But way as Christians know Jesus said in Luke 4:18
…To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed;…
Not to mention the chemicals you are putting in yourself to kill the brain cells.
(Explain Reward Deficiency Syndrome)
3. OUR SPIRIT
Romans 7:5 says:
5 For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the law were at work in our members to bear fruit to death.
We’ve already established that the call of the substance is louder than the call of God. The addiction kills our “pnuema” this is the part of a person capable of responding to God. In Matt. 10:28 Jesus says:
28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
I’ve heard people say “this is Hell” but according to Revelation 21:8
8 But the cowardly, unbelieving,[e] abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
When we read the word sorcerers what do you think of? Witches, warlocks, wizards. The literal greek refers to those dealing in drugs. So, apparently this isn’t a new problem.
According to our Scripture the third thing the thief does is destroy.
WHAT DOES THE THIEF DESTROY?
1. OUR FAMILIES
(THE I AM ONLY HURTING MYSELF LIE)
Addiction causes:
Husbands to leave wives
Parents to leave children
People to leave churches
Psalm 68:6
God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;
God has to set the solitary in families.
Solitary: The ONE! The FIRST! When we put other things first God is no longer the solitary and families fall apart.
2. OUR COMMUNITIES
How often have we said or heard “That was a nice community until the crackheads took over”
If we as Christians had been doing what Jesus told us to in Luke 14:23
’ 23 Then the master said to the servant, ‘Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.
The “crackheads” wouldn’t have taken over.
3. OUR CHURCHES
I heard someone once say “ when I was a sinner I didn’t need someone telling me how bad I was.” We sing ‘Just as I Am’ and then we put conditions on it. They come just as they are but they don’t fit in our neat little box of Christianity. Well, guess what? Christianity doesn’t fit in box and neither do people.
Matthew 25:34-40 says:
34 Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’
The Good Shepherd
11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep
In closing I am glad I have a good shepherd that laid down his own life for whosoever believes in him shall not have their joy, hope, and faith stolen. Their body, mind, and spirit killed or their families, communities, and churches destroyed. But, they can have their joy, hope, and faith restored according to Proverbs 6:31
Yet when he (the thief) is found, he must restore sevenfold;
Their body, mind and spirit resurrected, in John 11:25 Jesus tells Martha:
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.
To have their families, communities, and churches rebuilt. Ezra writes in Chapter 9 Verse 9:
9 For we were slaves. Yet our God did not forsake us in our bondage; but He extended mercy to us in the sight of the kings of Persia, to revive us, to repair the house of our God, to rebuild its ruins, and to give us a wall in Judah and Jerusalem.
But most of all he gave us eternal life through him.

Rose Lockinger is a passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.

You can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, & Instagram

When I first got sober I didn’t really know what this journey would be like. In the beginning I was just interested in no longer being held captive by my addiction and I wanted to get to a place where I no longer felt such an overwhelming obsession to use that it ruined everything in my life. I didn’t know that recovery would be a lifelong journey of self-discovery. I didn’t know that recovery would result in great upheavals within myself, and I didn’t know that through it all, it would be a journey towards learning to love myself again.

The truth of the matter is I can’t necessarily say that I ever really loved myself. Maybe when I was a very young girl this may have been the case, before life and the traumas that were inflicted upon me at an early age scarred my psyche, I may have loved myself, but as far back as I can remember, and looking at it objectively now, I cannot recall a time that I was accepting of who I was.

At first I would escape into books, hoping beyond hope that I could be one of the characters in the novels I would read. I wanted so badly to be anyone but myself, because I had this nagging feeling that I wasn’t enough or that I was innately bad. I always felt that I wasn’t pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough and I would look at other people and think that they just had something that I didn’t. That they were better off then me and I wasn’t enough.

I then turned to an eating disorder and substance abuse as a means to blot out the self-hatred I experienced and silence the demons that screamed in my head. I would control my eating or binge and purge as a means to inflict damage on myself. It was more than that, as both of these things also helped give me a reprieve from the constant negative self talk that rattled around in my mind day and night, but really if I look at it now, engaging in my eating disorder and using drugs was just a manifestation of my lack of self-love.

While addiction is a multi-faceted disease, I do believe that a person with a firm grounding in self and a general love for themselves would not have done the things that I did in my past. They would not have a need to use drugs to the point of oblivion and they would not need to restrict their eating so that they could match some unattainable image of beauty conjured up by their distorted mind. They would understand that they were not perfect and they would know how to accept themselves for who they were. I, however, did not have these qualities and so I used drugs and participated in my eating disorder in an attempt to become something that I wasn’t— to become someone that I wasn’t.

Then once I got sober I began the journey towards self-love. The magnitude of this undertaking didn’t hit me all at once and I remember that once I made it through my Steps the first time, I had a sort of feeling that I had arrived. I had a feeling of elation that I had never felt before and for a fleeting moment I thought that I was free from everything that had ailed me. I was able to hold my head up high and I was able to look the world in the eye and say “I am Rose and I am enough,” but the longer that I have stayed sober, the more I realized just how many layers of self-rejection I have within me.

I have to be honest here and say that sometimes self-discovery can be discouraging. It sometimes feels like once I make a breakthrough, I am shown just how much further I have to go. A friend once referred to this as peaks and troughs, meaning, when we are going through a period of learning more about ourselves we are in the trough, or the downswing. All we can see is what is in front of us, and once we make it through this, we reach the top of the mountain, or the peak, and we are given a peek at just how much further we have to go.

This has been my experience thus far, and I have had my fair share of peaks and troughs. In fact just recently I had an experience that really could have derailed my recovery. It felt like it was going to be my undoing, but now that I am working through it, I have come to realize that this whole experience was simply a lesson in learning to love myself more. The amount of pain that it caused me was tremendous, but it appears that the pain was necessary in order to burn off more of the untruths that I have believed about who I am. As these untruths were ripped from me, I learned that I am not as fragile as I once believed and that the love I bestow on myself cannot be conditional. It cannot be based on my outside circumstances, because if it is, then I will inevitably be left lacking and inevitably be left without self-love.

I learned that in order to love myself, I must first accept who I am, for all my faults and failures. I must not love myself only when things are looking up, but I have to love myself when things are grim and dark as well. This is not always easy, but as each year passes I understand more and more and the process becomes a little easier. In the end the only person that I have to be with for the rest of my life, is me, so I need to learn to accept myself and love myself, because otherwise life will be rather difficult to deal with.

I listen to old music. I don’t do it often. It takes me back.

Through the melancholy of Tori Amos, Fionna Apple and Byork, I am transported back to a time when pain was so fierce and ran so deep that I tried to out run it.

Unsuccessfully.

I longed to be loved because I couldn’t love myself. I wanted so badly to be loved by someone else.

I thought you were suppose to care. I learned to expect it and then I learned to expect nothing.

I was so desperate for the loving; it sickened me. I was pathetically weak. As I go back into those deep dark feelings I feel the self-loathing that supported suicidal ideations.

I grieve the girl who didn’t know herself. Who wanted to escape her reality so badly she would do any drug you put in front of her.

I desperately wanted to connect. I thought with other people, but I wanted to connect so deeply with my Self, my true Self.

I grieve the girl who was creative, brave, a leader, who sang and danced and shared her spirit so freely. It felt taken from me. I thought other people took it. But I unknowingly and unconsciously gave it away. I didn’t know I needed to protect it from those I loved. I thought they would foster it, feed it, water it and help me grow.

They didn’t.

That burned me. That burned me for a long time.

I grieved the girl that I needed to start loving. And so I did. I devoted my existence to learning to love myself and never expecting others to do it for me. They weren’t meant to. I was meant to foster, feed and water myself.

And so I do. Gladly, willingly, most lovingly.

I love the girl who went through trauma, mental health, substance use, co-dependency, perfectionism, workaholism…

I am the girl who demonstrates, leads and loves with all of my being all those who have experienced hardships. My soul came here to evolve and use all of this life to expand in conscious loving. I am…

Rose Lockinger is a passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.

You can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, & Instagram

I sometimes forget that when I first got sober my life was utterly destroyed, but yet I’m still here. I sometimes forget that when I walked through the doors of treatment I felt completely broken, but yet I’m still here. And I sometimes forget that almost 2 1/2 years ago I wished for death on a daily basis, but yet I’m still here. I say that, to say this—there is nothing in life that can truly break me and there is nothing in life that I cannot bounce back from. You see one of the most important lessons in my journey of recovery has been learning to live life on life’s terms.

I don’t write that last statement arrogantly, but I write it as a reminder to myself, that no matter how bad things get, no matter how much it seems like my world is coming to an end, I have already experienced the worst and been able to overcome it.

I forget this fact though. I forget just how bad things were for me before I get sober and now that I am enough removed from that experience that it seems like a distant memory, I sometimes forget just how strong I am and just how much the 12 Steps have changed my life. I will come up against a problem in my life and be utterly baffled by it to the point where I can’t imagine continuing and yet, like I said, I’m still here.

Recently I experienced something new in my sobriety. I experienced something that I thought was going to completely ruin my life and in turn completely ruin my sobriety. The pain I experienced was intense and for the first time in a quiet a while I was tremendously angry with God. I would toss and turn in my bed at night, seething with anger towards him for allowing me to feel the way I was feeling, and not understanding why he would do this to me. I didn’t really want to pray and I didn’t really want to talk to him. I just wanted to be angry and run away and so I did for a little while. I gave into the anger and let it consume me, as I searched my mind for answers to the problems I was facing.

Yet, through all of that I didn’t have to drink. I didn’t have to seek the false comfort of alcohol or drugs, but rather I walked through it with the help of my friends and I came out the other side, with my world changed, but my sobriety still intact.

I remember when I first getting sober I heard someone say, ‘I didn’t get sober to be miserable.’ At the time I really liked that saying but the longer I’ve stayed sober the more I have realized just how wrong that statement is. Yes, no one does anything to be miserable, but being sober isn’t about being happy all of the time—because that goal was something that I sought when I was using. I used drugs and drank so that I could manage and control my life and feelings. I wanted to feel good all of the time and what I’ve learned is that is a fool’s errand.

I have learned that the best way to set yourself up for failure is by believing that just because you are sober, you will be blessed with an easy and happy life. Your life will be undeniably happier then when you were using, although that is debatable at times, but the goal of sobriety is not eternal happiness. The goal of sobriety is sobriety.

Sobriety is a way of life and since life has ups and downs, happiness and sadness; sobriety will have that as well. There will be times when I experience joy that is indescribable and there will be times that I experience the depths of despair, because in the end I am human and in the end I am participating in life.

Just because I am sober does not mean that I am excused from the problems of life, it just means that I do not have to destroy myself when I am faced with the tumult that life has to offer. It means that I can finally deal with my problems and face them as an adult, and that when I cannot carry myself, I have friends and a God who I sometimes question to do the work for me.

Sometimes it is hard for me to remember this and recently that is what happened. I couldn’t understand how my world was coming crashing down around me in sobriety and I got so scared that I would never be able to put the pieces back together. That is a lonely place to be and luckily I have amazing friends in my life that reminded of the fallacy of this thinking and were there to love and support me when I couldn’t stand on my own.

So I am glad to say that I am still sober and that I didn’t let the circumstances of life dictate my actions in that regard. With that said I just want anyone who is out there reading this, feeling like their world is coming to an end, to know that you are not alone. If you are currently mad at God because you feel like he deceived you, you are not alone in your thinking and he is not mad at you for feeling that way. Life can be tremendous difficult and it sometimes hard to gauge the reality of a situation from our perception of a situation, so like Winston Churchill said, ‘If you’re going through hell, keep going’ and know that you are capable of overcoming anything.

I don’t know if addiction is a choice. I do know that healing is.

You either choose to heal or you don’t. This is what no one wants to talk about. This is the choice that’s made. You either choose to recovery or you don’t. Own it, either way.

I struggled to choose healing for a long time. I didn’t recover until I did. I didn’t want to recovery for awhile. I wanted to be victim, I wanted to blame others, I wanted other people fix the mess, I wanted to feel sorry myself. And it was a living hell.

I’m going to break it down and keep it real simple for you. It’s I choose to heal or I don’t choose to heal. I take responsibility or I don’t take responsibility. There are no ‘buts’ here.

When you get real about this decision (this choice for yourself), ownership becomes available. It’s not about other people. It’s about you. It’s about you taking responsibility and ownership of your life no matter what’s happened in your past.

And the bottom line is you either want to recover or you don’t. Be honest about that. This honesty is for you. Tell people your truth. You don’t have to feel bad about your truth. Your freedom and the possibility of change lies in you acknowledging your stance on this question; do you choose to heal or not?

It’s a simple question and you either go all in on making it happen or you don’t. All the excuses, rationalizations and stories cloud this choice and keep you in unnecessary suffering. Own that you are creating your own suffering. The day I realized that I was the person creating the suffering now, it was a huge a-ha.

I was the boogey man. I was the perpetrator. I was the abuser. And I was taking myself down, quickly. However, you can free yourself. You are here to free yourself, to use your life’s hardships and evolve and grow. I freed myself, so I know it’s possible.

But…

If you give up on yourself then just let people know. Be truthful. Let people know, I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to heal, I don’t want to recover, I don’t want to grow. Be truthful so that you can be freed of shame, unworthiness and guilt. If absolving your responsibility to yourself is truth then you will experience peace.

I love using an empowerment or disempowerment check to know if I’m being truthful in my life. Do I feel empowered by my choice or do I feel disempowered? It’s a great question to ask with immediate feedback. Empowerment makes me know I’m on track, on course and in alignment. Disempowerment makes me feel off track, off course and out of alignment. This quick and easy check gives you valuable information right way to support you in your next choice.

So go get your recovery…or not. And be you, be truthful and be honest about your choice to recover or not because it can provide incredible freedom and opportunity for change when you get real with yourself.

Being truthful alongside you…

Bev

Dr. Shari Long Romero is a nurse-midwife practicing in Littleton, Colorado. She is also a certified life and recovery coach who specializes in empowering women with a history of addiction, alcoholism, sexual trauma, or domestic violence through pregnancy, birth, and the transition to motherhood. Shari is married and the proud mom to four children and grandmother of two. Connect with Shari at www.sharilongromero.com or https://www.facebook.com/sharilongromero/.

So often we identify ourselves by the roles we play in our self-important lives. I felt so defined by the heroic characters I portrayed as a mother, wife, nurse, and midwife that I could not imagine any image that would encompass terms like addict or alcoholic. I was forced into recovery by a regulatory board, kicking, crying, shaking my head, and denying I ever had a problem. And even if some things had happened, some really bad things, they weren’t really my fault. I was a victim. In my right mind, I would have never hurt the people I loved and cared about the most. The raging storm in my head that denied my culpability as I sat being accused time after time was just so convincing. The havoc and devastation of my life was evidence of my addictions, but I simply could not let go of who I had been and the role I still wanted to play to somehow prove my self-worth.

So much of my value came from outside sources. I was being challenged at every turn now that I couldn’t step in to the personas that had allowed me to continue playing normal during the insanity of my compulsions. My inner dialogue was deafening as I fought the help that was being so freely given to me. White knuckle sobriety was really no way to live, just a way to survive marking time. I was told in my 12-Step program to find a higher power, but I didn’t want to belong to this club, this culture. I was fixated on going back and getting it all back and forgetting any of this had ever happened. And, of course, I relapsed and denied it was my fault. I had approached sobriety as a way to avoid all the negatives instead of embracing the mindful joy of recovery.

There are so many defining moments; incidents that eventually changed my perspective over time. I guess you could say I kept learning the hard way and then finally started seeing miracles evolve in others and in my own life. I had already lost so much; nearly every single person and every single thing that ever meant anything to me. I ultimately lost all the illusions and pretenses that had sustained me. I was no longer the perfect soccer mom. My kids and the public knew my secrets. I was no longer married, which in reality was a blessing, but it felt like another failure. I was still a nurse, but I was not practicing my calling of midwifery. The healer was no longer mother earth. I was left looking at myself in the mirror without a filter and coming to terms with some painful truths. I had to make the decision that within the nakedness of my soul was a being worthy of breath and life and nourishment and nurturement. I had to find a new joy in just being me in order want to live.

The first step in this process was to let go of what I thought the past represented. All of those accomplishments were holding me back and keeping me in a place of constant regret and resentment. All the longing and wishing that my using days and the hurts I caused had never happened only served to keep me paralyzed in fear and remorse. I started every single morning as soon as I woke up with the words, “Thank you”, and I meant them. Living in gratitude literally became something I practiced every day in preparation for the marathon of life. I found that the more thankful I became for even the smallest things, the more positivity I was able to find, and the more the universe started bringing back to me.

Keeping my focus on the present and the things I could currently control changed my daily routines and gave me energy and inspiration. I wrote down goals for the day, week, and year. I also stopped apologizing. After my initial making amends sessions and realizing that I could not change the past, I decided to make huge strides on a better future for myself, my children, and eventually for the patients who I wanted to be able to serve, not only as a midwife, but as a woman in recovery. Taking on this new role, just being me, was unfamiliar and scary at first but gave me an incredible freedom. And telling the truth on a daily basis is such a relief.

The things I do as a mom, a nurse, and a midwife are all now simply gifts I am able to give back because of the ultimate pleasure of living day by day knowing that I am given unconditional love and acceptance from the one person who counts the most… me. Using my time in recovery to care about what I think of myself and how I treat myself is really the secret to living strong and free and having meaning beyond measure. I found that new joy, and I didn’t have to play any special part to get it. I just had to open up and receive the blessing that is me.

Rose Lockinger is a passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.

You can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook, & Instagram

“Solitude is the place of purification” – Martin Buber

The longer that I have been on my spiritual journey the more I have come to realize the meaning of, “there is a season for everything.” I have found that there is a season to be surrounded by people, learning the spiritual gifts that others can bring, and I have found that there is a season to be alone, learning of the quietness that solitude can bring. In sobriety letting go of the past and previous maladjusted views of life. Each is equally important and each comes to a person who is seeking spiritual growth. It all just depends on what season of their life they are in. For me the quiet peace that is offered when in communion with your higher power offers a serenity I never thought possible. There are few things that quiet the chatter in my head, nature and yoga in sobriety offer me a space to be in direct contact with my higher power. Interesting that these are both things I do in solitude away from the hustle and bustle of life.

Lately I have been thinking about solitude quiet a bit, in the sense that today my life involves more time for time spent apart from others. Where I got sober in South Florida I was surrounded by people most of the time. I spent 6 months in treatment where I rarely had the opportunity to be alone. When I lived in my halfway house I found it hard to find alone time. There were meetings everywhere and you didn’t have to go very far to run into someone that you knew. It seemed almost surreal because there were so many of us around and if you didn’t want to, you never had to be alone. But I no longer live in South Florida and the recovery in Virginia is very different. There is more of a separation between life and recovery and I am no longer constantly surrounded by people. Not just this but the rooms here are filled with an older generation, people under 30 are the minority, not the majority as it was in South Florida.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though as I have found that the solitude has encourage to me grow spiritually in ways that I never would have thought of while I lived in South Florida. For one, I am starting to understand a little bit more what my sponsor meant when she told me that I had to be reliant on my higher power and not sponsor reliant. This doesn’t mean that I do not still run things by other people, but my ability to do so isn’t like it was when I was surrounded by other recovering individuals. I am now in a position where I have to make decisions for myself and ask your higher power for guidance, rather than lay my faith in others. It is sometime uncomfortable because I am still unsure of myself, but I have found that being in position where you can only rely on your higher power, makes for a stronger faith and a stronger spiritual connection.

I have also found that solitude, in particular when I am in the woods that surround the area I now live in, opens me to a clarity that I find difficult to get anywhere else. Emerson and Thoreau wrote about these things 150 years ago and there is still a lot of truth to the spiritual insights one can receive when they are alone, in communion with nature. Going for a walk in the woods quiets my mind and opens my spirit in a way that I actually sometimes get the answers I am seeking. I am not sure how this works, but walking among the trees and rivers, knowing that there isn’t anyone around for miles does something to me and I always feel reinvigorated after I do so.

Just disconnecting from technology for a little bit is another way that I try to foster spiritual growth through aloneness. I find that the more I check my phone and the more I check social media accounts, the less connected I feel to my higher power and the more disconnected I feel from myself. I sometimes use these things so that I do not have to be alone with my thoughts and when I do this I am avoiding myself and avoiding my higher power. Just being disconnected from technology and people for a little bit allows me to sit with myself, no distractions, no news feeds, and just be. When I can just be, I allow thoughts to flow in out of the quietness of my spirit and I find that I am more relaxed and more apt to feeling a sense of wellbeing.

However, I have also learned that you can experience solitude when you are surrounded by others. Solitude can in one sense just simply mean being single. They say that you learn the most about yourself when you are in a relationship, but by this same accord, you also learn quite a bit about yourself when you are not dating. You learn how to not tie yourself worth up in another individual or allow your own happiness to be contingent on how another person is feeling. The solitude of being single has really allowed me to get in touch with who I am, what I want and desire, and has allowed me to focus on healing that probably could not have occurred if I was in a relationship with someone. I have found that the nights alone laying in bed have often allowed me to feel my higher powers presence in powerful ways that would not happen if someone was sharing my bed. There have been nights when my heart is aching and raw and I earnestly ask for relief I have experienced a wave of relief.

It is sometimes hard in the fast paced world that we live in, to just walk away for a little bit and be alone, without a screen or some other entertaining form of distraction, but I have found that is increasingly necessary for me to do so. It allows me to just be me, without anything else going on. It strips me down to my bare humanity and in that place I can learn more about myself then I ever could from reading spiritual books or hearing spiritual teachers talks.

John Shoemaker is a meditation instructor and mindfulness coach, a writer, musician, and also works full-time in the field of mental health and substance abuse recovery. His website is johnshoemaker.net.

The holiday season is in full swing and many are feeling more triggered than ever. As you spend more time with family and friends, let’s provide you with a four step process to keep in mind while you are hitting up holiday parties, attending family get-togethers and simply being more social.

Love, safety and belonging are the three basic needs of a human being. During the holidays, we can put emotional safety on the back burner in order to receive love and belonging from family and friends. However, you will best serve yourself by mindfully protecting your emotional safety.

Though family contact may be limited during your early stages of recovery, there will come a time where you may re-engage your family dynamic. When reconnecting with your family, it is important to establish emotional safety, especially during the holidays.

The following four step process offers a practical way to lovingly protect your emotional safety while attending family functions. Family get-togethers can serve up lots of emotions; we see old people, fall into our family roles and are often confronted with limiting belief systems.

Here’s a sequence taken from my own personal playbook. Try these on for size:

Step 1: Set an intention – Setting an intention is a valuable skill. It allows you to bring forward clear intent of a positive outcome. You positively affirm what you intend to experience instead of coming at the situation with limitation and lack. An example of an intention would be, “I intend to be responsible for my own emotional reactions when talking to my mom.” Intentions are powerful, so take some time to come up with one that resonates with you. You can keep this intention throughout the entire holiday season or switch it up for every family event.

Step 2: Remember that we are all human, even your family members – It’s always a good reminder to know that the person you are talking to is a human being who perhaps hasn’t done any inner work. That’s okay. You on the other hand, have been to therapy, read self-help books and are actively engaging your own recovery process. Not everybody is as invested or committed to personal growth as you may be. Give them the dignity of their own process and stay responsible for own experience. Don’t expect others to understand your experience. And when possible. seek to understand versus blame.

Step 3: Feedback is just information – Just because someone tells you something doesn’t mean it’s truth. You are an adult now. You are no longer a victim to your circumstance. You get to decide what’s true for you. You get to decide how you spend your time. Receive the feedback, acknowledge any truth in the feedback and let go of the rest. The trick with feedback is letting go of the part that isn’t useful without judgment, shame or off-putting body language. “Let it go” becomes a mantra on repeat.

Step 4: Take the perspective that this is an opportunity for growth – Each experience with your family is an opportunity to practice your new skills and build stronger relationships with others. Stay open to the possibility that things could improve in your relationships. When you grow, sometimes those around you grow too. This may seem like wishful thinking, but I’ve seen miracles take place in recovering families. Stay growth minded versus fixed minded and you can not only make it though the holiday season but actually go through it gracefully.

Emotional safety can be incredibly empowering as you take control of your own inner experience. You can’t expect others to change but you can change how you interact with others. Choose to show up in possibility and put your best self forward. Keeping yourself emotionally safe is a powerful tool that can assist you with personal boundaries. May love, belonging and safety work in harmony for you this holiday season!

Rose Lockinger is a passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.