I was 27 years old, 6 months sober and had just started a Spiritual Psychology Master’s degree program. Much had changed in a short period of time, but I still carried unexpressed shame within myself. It had taken almost 6 months for me to start feeling again, and the thought of dealing with the feeling of shame was daunting.
The shame ran deep. Shame about past choices, consequences, lost relationships, self-abandonment and self-loathing. How could someone dislike themselves so much?
I was ashamed of my inability to love myself, to even know what that meant or how to do that. Ashamed that there was a part of me that didn’t really want to take responsibility for my life and get better. Ashamed of my continued use after my father had died of cirrhosis of the liver. Ashamed that I couldn’t just pull it together and get back on track. Shame around untapped potential within myself to live a beautiful life.
The emotional pain was tremendous. I knew that I had to change my thinking or I would not maintain my sobriety. I knew that my recovery was NOT about not drinking but was ALL about healing what was unresolved inside of me.
I’ll never forget the day I heard, “I’m a spiritual being having a human experience.” Everything changed. It was a the first time I saw myself as divine. If I was divine and having a human experience than I could forgive myself for my past behavior. If I was divine and having a human experience than my behavior didn’t define who I was at the core my divinity did. If I was divine and having a human experience than I was unconditional love and could have self-compassion for my humanness.
It all made sense. It resonated. It was empowering. It supported me in taking responsibility for myself and for taking better care of myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spirituality. It made me feel connected to myself and other people who were also experiencing their humanness as truth.
I dedicated myself to the practices and principles of Spiritual Psychology. Now, I enjoy teaching other people how to resolve what’s unresolved inside so that they can get sober for good and live a conscious life. My recovery has been a beautiful experience: a spiritual awakening, self-forgiveness and acceptance of the past, being of service and now full expression through my own coaching business. May we all use our recovery story to lift others up and support people in their full potential.
Check out Beverly’s blog at www.recoverylifemanagement.com. Beverly also posts weekly Tuesday Recovery Tips on her FB business page Recovery Life Management. If you would like to have a FREE Discovery Session with Beverly schedule through http://recoverylifemanagement.fullslate.com/ or call (619) 567-9896.