The Paradigm That Changed My Life & Shifted My Shame

I was 27 years old, 6 months sober and had just started a Spiritual Psychology Master’s degree program. Much had changed in a short period of time, but I still carried unexpressed shame within myself. It had taken almost 6 months for me to start feeling again, and the thought of dealing with the feeling of shame was daunting.

The shame ran deep. Shame about past choices, consequences, lost relationships, self-abandonment and self-loathing. How could someone dislike themselves so much?

I was ashamed of my inability to love myself, to even know what that meant or how to do that. Ashamed that there was a part of me that didn’t really want to take responsibility for my life and get better. Ashamed of my continued use after my father had died of cirrhosis of the liver. Ashamed that I couldn’t just pull it together and get back on track. Shame around untapped potential within myself to live a beautiful life.

The emotional pain was tremendous. I knew that I had to change my thinking or I would not maintain my sobriety. I knew that my recovery was NOT about not drinking but was ALL about healing what was unresolved inside of me.

I’ll never forget the day I heard, “I’m a spiritual being having a human experience.” Everything changed. It was a the first time I saw myself as divine. If I was divine and having a human experience than I could forgive myself for my past behavior. If I was divine and having a human experience than my behavior didn’t define who I was at the core my divinity did. If I was divine and having a human experience than I was unconditional love and could have self-compassion for my humanness.

It all made sense. It resonated. It was empowering. It supported me in taking responsibility for myself and for taking better care of myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spirituality. It made me feel connected to myself and other people who were also experiencing their humanness as truth.

I dedicated myself to the practices and principles of Spiritual Psychology. Now, I enjoy teaching other people how to resolve what’s unresolved inside so that they can get sober for good and live a conscious life. My recovery has been a beautiful experience: a spiritual awakening, self-forgiveness and acceptance of the past, being of service and now full expression through my own coaching business. May we all use our recovery story to lift others up and support people in their full potential.

Check out Beverly’s blog at www.recoverylifemanagement.com. Beverly also posts weekly Tuesday Recovery Tips on her FB business page Recovery Life Management. If you would like to have a FREE Discovery Session with Beverly schedule through http://recoverylifemanagement.fullslate.com/ or call (619) 567-9896.

5 Comments

  1. Wes on October 20, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    Can’t remember when I first heard this paradigm but it was at least several years ago. It resonated with me then because through all the hard times and experiences and mental health challenges that I had growing up and into adulthood, a deeply buried part of myself connected with having some deeper albeit elusive purpose for being alive. I also had always felt a strong resistance to my humanness, preferring to believe that my being human was simply a necessary but unpleasant vehicle for reaching some higher evolved state, although I only vaguely realized that at the time. As you know, it was your coaching and your living reflection of this paradigm that changed the game for me. The meaning this paradigm holds for me now has evolved so dramatically and has served as the catalyst for my process and personal growth. It’s helped me to connect with the truth of who I am as the universe experiencing itself through the contrast of my experience of life from those of all other spiritual beings having their human experience. From this perspective, I find it so much more natural to bring compassion and love towards myself and my experience of life. This is extending out towards others, whom this paradigm reminds me are on their own journeys, conscious or not, towards having this realization for themselves. I can look back on my past in light of my continually evolving realization of this paradigm and see myself as a victim of my own consciousness rather than my circumstances. I’m seeing the ego for the sum of my life experiences rather than who I really am. This realization is empowering me to take personal responsibility for my experience of life by making choices that continually connect and re-connect me to source energy and my true self.

    • beverlysa on October 20, 2015 at 9:05 pm

      I’m really seeing you start to live this now. I get it. It starts as an understanding of the concept and then moves into the experience of it as we practice, practice, practice living from the spiritual being versus the human being. I was reading through “Loyalty To Your Soul” again and notice that Ron and Mary call this a principle. I looked up the difference between principle and paradigm. I see how this is a principle to live by. I also see how it was a paradigm shift because I had been living connected to my ego. Most of us do for our whole lives. However, I too had an inclination that there was something else. I can also now see how all of my hardships actually ripened me for spiritual awakening. I’m forever blessed that I have come to KNOW myself so deeply. And even more blessed that I get to share my growth with you and all those who connect with me seeking more!

  2. debbie f on October 21, 2015 at 12:13 am

    This is beautiful, Bev. Thank you for continuing to provide us with real examples.

  3. Clarine Mey on March 20, 2016 at 10:32 pm

    I’m not sure exactly why but this blog is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

    • Beverly Sartain on March 22, 2016 at 2:07 am

      Sorry to hear you are having difficulties. No one else has reported this issue to me. I hope you are able to still access and comment on my blogs. Thanks for stopping by.

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