No One’s Coming

I was hit by these words that a colleague once shared. “No One is Coming, ” she said. These words struck at the core. So many years I lived in victim consciousness as I thought that someone needed to acknowledge my hurt and pain. I wanted them to own what they had done to me. I thought the same of “God.” I wanted everyone to validate my experience as I suffered through my teens and early twenties. I felt that I had grown up so fast and been so responsible for so many years that I didn’t want to participate in my healing. I had all the rationalization of why I didn’t need to participate in life. I wanted so badly to just wallow in my poor me, self-pity and victimhood. It’s like resolving not to resolve. Deciding to give up but still having to live life. I was lost in limbo for many years as I stayed in the mode of just getting by, just existing, barely surviving. I felt empty and energy-less. It was the ultimate co-dependence of wanting someone else to do the work to heal the situation. I felt like I didn’t cause it so why do I have to heal it. This was such a disempowered way of looking at my life. I continued to make poor choices that added on to my suffering, re-traumatizing myself. Until the day I decided that I would take responsibility for my life and participate in my recovery/healing process. “No one is coming.” No one is going to do the work for me. I have to show up for me. The Authentic part of me started to show up. I started to engage activities that strengthened my Authentic Self versus my ego. I decided to work on breaking down the wall that barricaded my heart for so many years. I decided to show up for me. I’m coming. I no longer need other people’s validation of me to feel okay. I am validating myself. I am showing up for my healing. I am here for my Self.

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